Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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