the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im holly from the hills drunk
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
