i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
