I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
