I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize