He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
