a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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