Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
