I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize