TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
