Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
