I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
