We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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