i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
