I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
