I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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