Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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