Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
