Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
