I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
