I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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