Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
