Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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