I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
