How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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