Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
