I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
