if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
