what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
