She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
