I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
