last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
