Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
