i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
