if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
do nipples grow back?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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