I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We're too hungover to prance.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
