does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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