When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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