she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
