It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I enjoy the company of your penis
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
