Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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