May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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