I'm sorry my penis didn't work
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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