your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
