There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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