I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
