If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
