And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
