our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
