The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize