So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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