So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
