i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
