Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
