We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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