I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
