I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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