I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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