I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
