my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize