thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it because I queefed?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
