This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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