My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
