Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
