If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
