Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
