Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
