Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
