Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Two words: blizzard sex
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
